24 August 2015

Feeding your Soul instead of your Ego - The Sun Sign

I journaled about the question
What enrages you more than anything and why?
and my answer ended up being "people seeing me as or accusing me of being fickle, not virtuous, not spiritual - anything that attacks my ego, my sense of identity."
Which makes sense because our ego needs to be protected at all costs, it struggles for survival.

In astrology, the sun is our ego.
It describes how we define and identify ourselves. What we take pride in.
My sense of identity (Sun) is constructed around being moral, good, just, virtuous, and wise (Sagittarius).
Since my sun is in Sagittarius, I am very much "holier-than-thou" and although I know I'm kind of a hyprocrite most of the time (giving people advice but not taking my own), I hate people calling me out on that.
I hate when people make my facade of being morally superior crumble.

If somebody attacks our self-concept, that means the death of ego.
So it answers with rage and defense.

So I came up with a new mantra:
Does this feed my ego or my soul?
I found that a way to tell what feeds your ego and what feeds your soul is to ask yourself whether that thing brings you joy in the journey or in the destination.
When you find joy in the journey it is food for your soul.
When you can only find joy in the destination it is usually merely food for the ego.

Do you read/buy the book to be able to say you read it or to put it on your book shelf and show it off?
Or do you read it because you enjoy the process of reading it?

Do you dress a certain way to receive compliments or avoid weird looks or criticism?
Or do you dress to feel good in your clothes?


Choosing Soul over Ego

However, trying to destroy your ego is impossible.
It will actually make it stronger.
When you close the front door, the ego comes in through the back door.
"I have no pride and no need for ego gratification whatsoever."
There.
Holier-than-thou.
Ego.
Simply softly refocus yourself on that which feeds your soul.

For me that is reading and writing.
But the ego can easily get in the way with that.
Making me read what makes me most educated or seem most interesting instead of that which honestly interests me.
Making me share my writing and adjust it so as to cater to an audience.
Not sharing my whole truth or bending it as to make me look better.

So that was the reason I took a break from blogging...
I told my sister I don't feel like blogging about astrology anymore and my sister said "but you are astrologymarina!"
And i thought "that is precisely why!
I dont want to be AstrologyMarina.
I want to be Marina."
I dont want to be limited to astrology.
But I have felt like I am forced to study astrology and commit myself and my blog and my writing to that exclusively.
It has become an annoying chore rather than my passion.
It became a responsibility to an ever growing audience who expects me to know everything.
It fed my pride and deprived my happiness.
It fed my ego but no longer my soul.

My sagittarius ego wants to be a guru and a teacher.
But my sould needs to study for the sake of studying, not as to be able to show off its knowledge.
I want to just create stuff and put it on my blog.
Without lookig at the numbers or comments.
I want to not have everyone's expectations suffocate my playful creativity and honest passion and curiosity.

Don't fight the ego, lose your resistance against it.
Smile at it. And do whatever feeds your soul.
Ego takes itself seriously.
Soul is playful.
Become a child who does whatever it feels like doing.
No expectations or obligations.
Journey, not destination.


Exercises

Here are some questions you can contemplate and journal about:

  • How do I want to be perceived?
  • What part of myself am I most scared people will see about me?
  • What accusations about myself make me most angry or sad?
  • What destinations am I chasing?
  • How am I missing out on the journey? How can I make life more playful?

Also, practice the mantra "Does this feed my ego or my soul?"
For me, this has resulted in

  • getting rid of three bags of clothes and half of my book shelf
  • changing my major from sociology to philosophy
It might result in listening to different genres of music, not watching certain shows anymore, reading different kinds of books, changing your style, wearing more or less makeup, changing your major, your hobbies, your friends, your lifestyle, your interior design, the way you write, act, speak,....

It will be different for everyone.
What feeds the ego of one person feeds the soul of another person and vice versa.

So practice this mantra.
Ego or Soul?
Destination or Journey?

Be playful.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so happy about this . You opened my head. I'm very grateful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad!!!!! :-))
      lots of love

      Delete

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